Rapport: what is it and how can we build more of it?

The idea of rapport intrigues me. We know it’s an important part of building relationships, and we know that the quality of the relationship is something which has quite an impact (possibly the biggest single impact) on the outcomes of coaching and counselling. We can recognise it when we see it, and can feel when it’s not there. But defining it in detail, and, from my particular interest area, trying to teach it, is much more tricky. One of the reasons that it’s hard to put your finger on is because of its ‘gestalt’ nature – because it is made up of so many different elements, verbal and non-verbal. 

So I’ve done some digging around and this is what I’ve found. 

First, it’s useful to reflect that rapport is something which only exists in relationships. It’s not something that you can have on your own, it’s not a personality trait, although some people may be better than others at developing it in some situations. It emerges through the interaction between two people – when two people ‘click’ and it’s hard to work out where it starts and what comes from me and what comes from you.

Tickle-Degnen and Rosenthal (1990) identified three key elements which need to be in place for rapport to emerge. First, they talk about mutual attentiveness. This is when both parties are focused on each other, and the interaction is cohesive. Second, there needs to be some positivity. This happens when both parties feel friendly and caring towards each other. The third element is coordination. I had more trouble understanding what this one means, but it seems to be when the two of you feel in synch, balanced and harmonious. My feeling here is that coordination might be difficult to control, but that we can all think about how attentive we are to the person we are trying to develop rapport with, and that we can all make sure that we communicate the fact that we are pleased to be in a conversation with them.

The paper also examines the non-verbal behaviour which is linked with these rapport building aspects. They found that the following behaviours were more likely to be exhibited when there was good rapport: leaning forward, smiling, nodding, uncrossed arms, direct gaze and posture mirroring. 

The research described here shows correlations not causation: these kinds of behaviours are more likely to be exhibited when there is rapport, but we can’t be sure that more of these behaviours would lead to better rapport. But I think that cultivating an awareness of these attributes could be a useful framework for encouraging us to think about the rapport which we can feel in our new relationships.  

Tickle-Degnen, L., & Rosenthal, R. (1990). The nature of rapport and its nonverbal correlates. Psychological inquiry, 1(4), 285-293.